Saying The Right Words – My Thoughts
Thank you Holy Spirit! I was studying my “Wisdom Study Plan” tonight. The plan for the day were, three chapters from the Book Of Job….. Chapters 4, 5, and 6. I never thought of the book as being a wisdom guide until the last three days of studying it. It is a great feeling to study and spend time with God over and over again with the same stories. Those milk stories turn into meat stories as you grow in faith and love for Him. As I was studying again in Chapter 6, I started thinking, oh Lord, that Job is full of questions and answers, and feisty in the Lord with his words, like I am at times. I was also thinking that he and his friends must have been very close to talk to each other that long. Phew! talk about long winded. How many of us will sit with a friend nowadays for more than an hour or two to carry on a conversation without looking dumbfounded or speechless? Not many, I don’t think.
Any who! After Eliphaz had his say without catching his breath, I came to verses 25 thru 27, with special attention to verse 25.. Whoa! Hold on horsey! I was thrown off my horse.
Chapter 6 begins with Job’s response to his friend Eliphaz. Let me share the verses here. “How forceful are right words! But what do your arguments prove? Do you intend to rebuke my words, And the speeches of a desperate one, which are as wind? Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless, And you undermine your friend.”
Job’s firm statement and question led me along with the Holy Spirit to write this quick message for sharing. I’ll try to make it short. :-)
Have you ever really thought about how forceful it is to say the right words? Have you ever thought about in day to day situations, and at the end of the day if you have been in an argument, what did the argument prove? Have you ever thought about what is ever accomplished when you are forced to say the right words and/or prove a point because of an argument?-Thought Candy!
When we know in our being without a doubt we have not the right words to say, this is a moment for us to meditate quietly before opening our yapper and think to self, ‘well self they say’ “Silence Is Golden”. We’ve all experienced a moment with friends, family members, and others when they are grief stricken, hurt by someone or some other event, where it is hard for most to find the right thing to say. It’s even harder, if that person snaps back at you when you’ve felt you said the right thing. For most that turns into an argument unless you just walk away. Saying the wrong things can also put distance between you and another.
…. see! sometimes I know when to keep my mouth shut.
For me there are one or more of four things I say and absolutely mean from my heart when one is sad or grieving:
- I’m sorry for your pain.
- I will be in prayer for you.
- If you need me, you call me.
- Jesus loves you and I love you.
When my youngest son was diagnosed out of the wild blue yonder with leukemia at the age of 9, the only words that gave me comfort that I received from others is that “he is already healed”, “God loves you both and will not leave you during this time”, and the action of those who just started praying once they arrived at the hospital rebuking death via prayer. I was numb to it all, I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry, until some 10 years later. I recall only uttering under my breath, “Jesus loves you Andre, you are my twin, you have a fighting spirit, you will be ok, Lord, make him ok with this.” I have a great testimony about that event of which I’ll share with you all in the near future.
Here is the thing, my family stayed away of which I’m assuming out of fear thinking he was dying. At that time, I honestly didn’t know what to think, nor did I care. My child’s life and my being there was the only thing important to me. It was very hurtful to me that my mother, 4 sisters and 1 brother didn’t have much of a presence during that ordeal. I recall my dad, may he be resting in peace, who was living in South Alabama at the time called me and said “How is Andre? you better go get some life insurance on him, it takes lots of money for funerals you know”. I told him not to call me anymore wishing death upon my child and I hung up the phone on him. I became angry with him, thinking out loud, how dare he speak death over my child. I have to admit here and now my beloved ones who are reading this, that while remembering their absenteeism and ignorance, I had not forgiven them for being distant during our time of turmoil and grief. Just right now, a tear dropped and I uttered the words to God, I forgive them and I have peace concerning that situation now. Now too, because of this study, I may have a clue as to why there was distance. They didn’t know what to do or what to say. Thank you Holy Spirit!
Andre’s dad and our other son and daughter which were in high school at the time were the only family members present through it all, along with my ex mother-in-law. His 4th grade teachers were great and called when I was away from the hospital and offered words of comfort. I think back on it, and now realize, they said the right words and did the right things that gave us comfort. I also had two friends and co-workers that were always on call with prayers and support, for me and Andre when I really needed them. (Thank you Jesus for Gloria and Sue) They did not keep asking me if I needed something, nor did they sit like Job’s friends and talk until they were blue in the face with empty words. I knew they were sadden as much as I was, and they remained supportive and in prayer even to this day if we have any little irks(health issues) lingering from all the chemo Andre was given.
What I am trying to convey is that through ordeals, sometimes you just let go and let God. A loving hug; an “I’m sorry”; an “I’m here for you”; and/or a “trust in the Lord and be strong” will suffice. If you really don’t know what to say, just hold the person and pray quietly to self for them. This, my loves is where SILENCE is very golden and actions speaks louder than words. Even though we are experiencing sadness for that person, we need to go outside of self in such moments and just rely on God’s still voice. Because believe it or not, Job hit on the truth with his statement “How forceful are right words!” Sometimes we ramble on until we say the wrong thing which is more hurtful and doesn’t make sense in the end. What’s that saying, “talking out the side of your neck”?
My sister, co-worker, and friend in Christ, Gloria is some kinda special. Just yesterday, the day after being contacted by the doctor, I told her Andre’s doctor called and wanted me to bring Andre back to his office to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours because he had irregular heart beats the previous day. I started stressing a bit more before I told her. You know what Gloria said if I can remember it correctly? “Girl ain’t nothing wrong with my baby Andre, Gods’ got this”. Now she said the right thing without it being forced. I knew and I believed. I have realized if the Lord directs your heart and mouth to speak, then and only then will the right words be spoken that gives comfort to others and self.
I started praying before calling Andre, for the Lord to let me tell this to my child without him yelling and getting upset. I was afraid it would not go well with Andre because he is very strong willed and vocal (he’s his mother’s twin). Then I started crying and I was moaning in tongues. I honestly don’t know what I was saying. I just felt a power within my being as though it was trying to keep me from being afraid for my child and to let out the pain before speaking to him.
And voila! after that episode… I called and I told Andre. Yes, he did yell and went on his rampage about not trusting doctor’s and humans because they were not God, and after about two minutes of that, he calmed down and said, “well that better be all I have to do, ain’t nothing wrong with me”. I don’t think Andre realizes even at the age of 22, that yelling raises your blood pressure. He’s a fireball, keeps to himself, and a good one at that. He’s still my big baby!
I started smiling.
I shall close here with the message. May you be blessed and say the right things to others in need when the Lord prepares your heart and mind to say them. Otherwise, sit quietly and wait upon the Lord. May you too find some wisdom when studying the Book of Job as I did tonight. I now understand why it is a book filled with wisdom and whoever prepared the lesson plan online did a wonderful job. I am now wise in knowing that words are indeed like the wind and the wrong words (per Job, “desperate words”) are like undermining another when that person has a personal relationship with God.
I Love You
Love Covers A Multitude of Sins
- We Are All Different (We Will Make a Difference) (talkativeangel.wordpress.com)